I.R.S. Followup

In response to my post on my tax woes for this year, a friend a.k.a. "The Rube" sent me a funny email. It has probably circulated for many to see but I found it entertaining and potentially a good solution to my problem. See below.....seeing that my deficit was only $1800, I have to buy even less!

Dear Internal Revenue Service: Enclosed you will find my 2008 tax return showing that I owe $3,407.00 in taxes. Please note the attached article from the USA Today newspaper; dated 12 November, wherein you will see the Pentagon (Department of Defense) is paying $171.50 per hammer and NASA has paid $600.00 per toilet seat. I am enclosing four (4) toilet seats (valued @ $2,400) and six (6) hammers valued @ $1,029), which I secured at Home Depot, bringing my total remittance to $3,429.00. Please apply the overpayment of $22.00 to the "Presidential Election Fund," as noted on my return. You can do this inexpensively by sending them one (1) 1.5" Phillips Head screw (see aforementioned article from USA Today newspaper detailing how H.U.D. pays $22.00 each for 1.5" Phillips Head Screws). One screw is enclosed for your convenience. It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year.

Sincerely, A Satisfied Taxpayer

Cool Blogsite

Blogs are cool. They are a place to say what you feel to anyone and everyone. Most are "old fashioned" and are typed such as mine. Some can link to YouTube videos. Very few are true video blogs.

The one I bring to you here just happens to be my brother in law's. He is a Fox News guy in Chicago. Mark has a great intuition to find the story and a knack for asking the question. This is not unlike what I look for in a good business analyst. When I interview for a BA, I look for intuition. I look for someone that can ask great questions but more importantly, find more questions in the answers. I believe this is one of the great talents that Mark has along with other minor traits such as charm, a good voice and authenticity.

Despite his relation, I have only recently found his video blog. I have watched most of the segments and found them interesting and entertaining. Not many people would even dare sit down in a room with guys from 5+ different gangs especially when he is the odd man out when it comes to race, income and future in most people's eyes. Some may go in the room but not dare ask them the hard questions like why they do what they do. Why don't they want to change. Why would they want to stay in that life with such a high mortality rate. Tough stuff.

I hope you all take a jump over there and give it a look. BLOG LINK

"The Streak Has Ended" or "Those %#@!#& Bastards!"

I realize that the title resembles the continuation of a Rocky & Bullwinkle skit (If you don't get it, you are too young).

I did our taxes last night. It went something like this:

1) Enter Lyle's W-2. Estimated refund: $2700

2) Enter Jessica's W-2. Estimated repayment: $4200

That's OK....I just have not entered our mortgage interest or any other deductions....don't panic.

3) Enter deductions. Your bottom line: Pay Federal taxes = $1800.

Questions:

Are you rich? No we are not rich. We barely pay our bills.

Next Question: No, we or Jess did not claim too many deductions

Last question please!: Well, that extra income was nice but it not like we are rolling in the cash!

WTF? I mean.....I had this money spent! Don't say what Jess said...."You always spend money before it is in your hands!" I have NEVER not received a return! NEVER!

So how do you propose I find money to go to Vegas for Alicia's wedding? Odd jobs? Babysitting? Maybe I could get a job watching the Seven Seeds. How bad could it be? Then again, I have read this blog religiously...those kids would kill a weakling like me. Need a new plan. I welcome your comments and suggestions on how I can make up this deficit.

On the brightside, we will receive a $1300 return from Wisconny....so I suppose I am only out $500 but being out is being out. I should have listened to Al and folded when I had the chance.

And The Oscar Goes To:

Harrison Ford: DIABLO CODY for JUNO!

DC: First of all, I'd like to thank The Academy (because you have to). I'd also like to acknowledge Lyle Orr for his inspiration as one of the coolest people that never introduced themself to me. You see, watching Lyle and his geek buddies go to the breakroom at LTCG was inspiring to me. It made me realize that I had talents far greater than LTCG could ever draw from me. It was then that I decided to go and write this screenplay that has made me an instant Hollywood sesation and a millionaire.


Or something like that....

Wow. Diablo Cody a.k.a. Brooke Busey worked at the same place as me and now is holding an Oscar. If we focused on LTCG, who else is being held back because they think this job is it for them? Is it someone else in claims? Is it the breeding ground for future Hollywood talent? Is it IT? Perhaps someone in IT has some unbelievable talent that is just being held back by the day to day grind at LTCG.

The morale of the story is talk to everyone. Get to know everyone. Share a laugh with everyone. You just never know who the next one to accept an Oscar will be!

A Rough Life....Obviously

This has really been bugging me. For two consecutive weeks, when I opened up the StarTribune Sunday paper and looked at the Arts & Entertainment section, they lead with a photo. Might be an artist. Might be a musician. Might be a writer. I don't care and I don't get past the stupid photo. Here is one of them:

These people are given the gift of a front page story. Their careers must be good. Why do they look like they are suffering some ungodly strife? Are they dying? Do they wish they were dying? Did their dog just die? Do cameras make them want to die?

I just don't get it. Is this ART? I guess I understand why I failed art in 8th grade. Yes, an F. Why you ask? Simple. Making mobiles and drawing stick figures is nothing but busywork to me. Give me wood (easy now, not that kind of wood) and a saw and I will make you something that will last for 100 years or more. A mobile? A stupid clay ashtray? Don't waste my time.



On the bright side, I guess I will never have to pose for a picture that makes the world believe that my life really, truly sucks as is the case with these people.

How PC Can You Get?

To the loyal "Orracle" fans out there, I know what you are thinking.

"The Orracle....PC?"

The answer to that question is YES!

I don't know why but out of the blue today, at a stop for tax software at Best Buy, we bought a new desk PC AND a new laptop.

The desktop was simple. Our old one sucks. We have an old PC with an old CRT monitor and just needed to upgrade.

The laptop? I am having a harder time justifying that one. Work provides one to both Jess and me. So why get another? For starters, we bought a sale Toshiba that was $449. Not a whole lot of power but playing around tonight, it is really nice and has a great screen. You never know....it just might end up going south with Senior Orr and Madame Bradley. Just a thought. I think if shown how to get to the internet and to email, dad might check it. Well....at least in the mornings. Maybe that is just a pipe dream...but we all need to dream.

All said and done, with $70 in software added in (tax and spyware tools), it came to a measly $1251.00. Not bad for 2 units.

This trip started with a visit to the MN Valley Humane Society where all of the labs rescued from the puppy mill in Central Wisconny were. We were VERY close to adopting a small yellow lab named Carter. I just did not want to deal with the potential health issues starting with the extensive worming that will have to be finished by their owner. Even without our help, all 4 of the pups brought up from the infirmary today were adopted. Lots of traffic in the shelter so all in all, the blight brought onto these dogs was a blessing for the shelter having received extensive media coverage. Considering what costs we may have incurred for a new puppy, the $1250 for the computers seems small.

Come back later this week. A fellow blogger does a post every Wednesday called "Wayback Wednesday". I love this idea and he says that if you are inspired by this idea, feel free to copy it. And so I am. My music video posts will be of the LIVE concert theme at least for now. Everytime I listen to Sirius, I wish there were a channel of nothing but live performances. Another great channel would be nothing but covers - but we'll save that for later.

The posts still need to be named, but look back for that feature on this blog!

Have a great week~
The Orracle

Sunday Rants

My favorite subject...global warming. Check this out. Go ahead....warm my day! Now I know that a streak of weather is nothing more than a streak. In the big picture of Earth, so is the trend everyone likes to call Global Warming. It is just the the timeframe is not one winter or year but 10-20. Big deal. Just like today's weather and last week's weather are just trends - blips on the radar. So - if you so insist it is real. Send some heat my way. My ga$ bill is getting high.

MOVIES

The Jason Reitman Film Festival continues. I was up late last night and decided to watch a movie that was fermenting on my DVR. I watched Thank You For Smoking. Good flick. Funny to a point. This movie boasted a list of some of my favorite "B" list cast members. They are A-list to me though. JK Simmons, William H Macy and Maria Bello. Yeah, baby! When it comes to my top 5 "LIST" chicks....you know the Friends list? Chicks you can do, no strings attached. No, it cannot be Luanne from accounting - it has to be someone that most people would never really have the chance to do. Anyway, she is on my list. Yes, my list is riddled with the likes of Jessica Alba, Helen Hunt, Eliza Dushku and Katie Holmes (also in the movie). I keep a place for Maria Bello. I don't know what it is about her. She just does it for me.

In looking at the list I have assembled above, how can annyone accuse me of longing for the 18 year old looking chicks? Look at that list! Maria Bello - born 1967. Meg Ryan - born 1961! Helen Hunt - born 1963! THE ORRACLE? Born 1970!! These women I chase are OLD! (sorry Cindy & Candy) Wow...way offtrack (as if there was some direction here!)

Lastly, I watched Sex And Breakfast. I had my doubts but it could have been good given the subject matter. Plus, Eliza Dushku was in it. Strange movie. I don't suggest you see it. Not very good. Eliza looked great. That's about it.

Enough for today. Stay warm.

Juno

We finally made it to the theater to see Juno.

l l l l

Four Stars!

l l l l

I think this is a great movie (obviously)! I think the writing was fantastic but the real star is Ellen Page. This girl played the part perfectly. Cindy (sister) said, "It is Ashlie". Others have said that it reminded them of Ashlie. I have to agree. It is Ashlie (except for the preggers part). Even Ashlie said it reminded her of her!

This movie is very funny and entertaining all the way through. It hits home with a sad and scary thing that happens to teens all over. For all of my shenanigans at the resort, it could have been me although I am way cooler than Paulie in real life.

I do not think former co-worker of mine, Diablo Cody nee Brooke Busey will get the Oscar, although it would get my vote. I do think Page could be given the award for her role as actress. This is a great movie. I think it was done in a way that bringing a teenager to it might actually make them think twice about sex. Let's hope so!