Old Money....You Don't Know Me!

An intriguing thing happened to someone I might know. This person, we'll call him "Spiffy", showed me a fistful of sequential, crisp, freshly printed-smelling old-style $20 bills. Innocent enough I guess.

These bills were from 1969.

Alegedly, Spiffy received them from a Wells Fargo cash machine.

Now, I have a few theories about the source of this old money. Let's just hope this guy is on the level and not some 2009 Bonnie and Clyde.

1) We'll go with his thoughts first. Someone found a stack in grandma's sewing machine and brought them to the bank. I guess that is possible but would they still have that freshly printed smell?

2) Maybe this is bailout money from the Feds. Could it be that the bank bailout money sent to the banks was just old cash that the Reserve had in the back corners of the warehouse?

3) Recently, I received some crisp, smelly $20 bills (legitimately of course) from a Wells Fargo machine but they were 1989. A mere 20 years old vs Spiffy's bills that are 40 years old. I am almost 40 and while I have not been circulated or washed, I don't smell very new. Perhaps Wells Fargo found them in an old Stagecoach somewhere and decided to put them into circulation.

4) Maybe Wachovia is the culprit. Wells Fargo after all did just acquire them. Perhaps Wachovia had the old money stashed.

5) Lastly, and I did not want to go here....maybe our guy Spiffy is up to no good.

Closed circuit to Spiffy....you don't know me when they strap you to the polygraph machine and make you explain yourself. Hopefully, you have spent them. Perhaps you'll finally get the flat screen you have been longing for. No matter what, get rid of those bills. I think they are highly suspect.

Freshly Blown, Flown and Poked!

Stormy sent me an email pointing out that the cruise has been over for a long time and insinuated that I have not posted much. She was right. In thinking about a title for this post, I think I nailed it!

Now before you all jump to conclusions, you better read on!

I had to go to Indiana last week one more time this year. That, believe it or not is NOT the flown part. It does have relevance to the story. Bored out of my mind, I went for a drive since I had a car this time by myself (usually we rent together which ties you down more). I found a casino named Indiana Live! Casino. It is actally more of a circus tent until their new, permanent building is done. Still, it was nice. I played some video poker and somewhere in the second $20, I hit a royal flush for $1000 followed by countless quads (four of a kinds). I left the machine up a ton and went to get a burger. Enroute, I played a dollar slot, something the Orracle rarely does and hit another $720.00.

I did proceed to spend back around $800.00 of my winnings playing dollar video poker which is something I have wanted to do but could not because of the steep $5 per play cost. I felt like a whale! I left up $1200 which was less than I could have but I had a great time so no regrets.

Upon getting back home, I decided to buy a snowblower. I have wanted one for 15 years and somehow end up not getting one. Nothing fancy - 2 stage, 6 HP, MTD brand....nice enough. Needless to say, I love it. I have used it 2 times. I think the neighbors are expecting me to blow the entire yard out eventually! I have a wide path for the mailman (even if he is an old, crotchety bastard), paths around every tree and shrubbery for the dogs to run on, and have blown out a major opening to every sidewalk and fire hydrant. I LOVE....that thing.

Then for Christmas, I received Flight Simulator X. I have not had FS since they still had the program on 3.5" disks and I loved it then. I can tell you that having not flown on FS in a long time, not reading many directions and jumping immediately into a 747, I have flown 4 flights and there have been NO survivors. I made it almost out of the metro on my last flight though- so I must be improving. I really need to buy a good joystick to handle the planes better.

Today, I slept in after staying up with the kids until almost 3. I love watching them have fun with their new games and other presents. I slept until 1, cooked a major breakfast complete with Vennie Sausage, eggs, hashbrowns and the secret onion/portabella concoction for over the egg. WOW! Other than that, I have been playing VP on video poker.com which is really fun and costs NOTHING compared to the real casinos which rarely offer up those beautiful royals like I found in Indianapolis!

That is it! I'd like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. I hope all is well with everyone as we close out the 2008 and move to 2009.

Closed circuit to Al - I ran into Stacy Voracek in the mall last week (she was Kirt's admin that Crazy Roger fired). She said to tell you hello and that she still listens to Charlie Robison!

Until next time,
The Ho Ho Horracle!

I Don't Know What To Think...

Throughout the campaign, I have had the feeling like neither candidate was worthy. Today, I made an unpopular choice. Yeah, that means I did not vote for Obama. I still don't know what this guy stands for.

He talks nice. He speaks well. He says the right things. His grandma died. He still told me nothing.

This may seem a little obvious, but I think this. It will either be the best thing to happen to America in a long time or the worst....no gray area here. If he can do what he eludes to in "change" and so many supporters think he can do as proven by the most financially rich campaign ever, it would be great.

As I gaze at the local and national crowds gathered to support, I saw some trends.

Young people. Why? They just want to buck the current status - no matter what it is and by that I mean even if Bush was not a dork and no matter if this country was not in the financial crapper, they would buck that system too.

Black people. Dancing, singing.....for a while, the scene was reminiscient of a House of Blues Gospell Brunch I went to in Vegas once (which sucked by the way).

Old people. (no comment)

Urban centers of people. This includes many of my categories above. I have news for you...America was built in the country - not in urban centers filled with college students and minorities.

The resounding image and theme is one that The Rube might be responsible for making me recognize. Largely....BUT NOT ENTIRELY...this group represents the lowest wages, people with the least to lose type of people. If Obama wants to tax the living hell out of us, it is US not THEM that take it in the shorts.

I found myself at odds with this crew. I am not rich but we do make a nice living. I do not relate myself with that crowd. I don't really want to support those that don't work. There is a resounding difference between don't and can't. If you are disabled as my father is, I will be the first to throw my tax money to you. That is a bit of a misstatement by me though as my dad, although a parapalegic, worked his ass off all of his life until retirement. He did NOT just take was was offered to him. Others, well - I think they see this time in our country as a time for entitlement to them.

I heard comments tonight on TV of groups of african-americans saying how this will change things for their kids. Perhaps. I hope they realize that Obama being president will not suddenly stop the gang bangers from gang banging, drive bys from killing others and illicit activity that plagues that community.

Let's hope these few things. A) Hussein is just bad luck in naming convention (geek speak) for him and not a sign of his true roots. B) the white minority does not really become a white minority C) he really is a true American despite his lack of flags on lapels and airplanes

Tonight was historic. Let's hope the historic is not just based on rhetoric.

NO?

No surgery. How can that be? Is this doc a crackpot? How can the doc in 2002 be so adamant about it and I went AMA only to have it bleed out in September this year but this doc says I do not need surgery? It's not that I want the surgery. Frankly, I am a chicken shit and it really cramps my schedule.



Well, here is the deal. He saw the mastoiditis although he said it is not the whole mastoid. He thinks a little prednisone and more antibiotic (my gut it gonna be eaten away) should take care of it for now. He does want to see me in two weeks to be 100% sure, but at this point, he thinks we stay away from the knife. The best part of the visit was that Jessa got to witness deep ear suctioning for the first time. The look on my face combined with the sound and the fact that I plugged the suction tip 2 times!!! Having it done really sucks, literally, but I am used to it after having it done so many times in my life.

This just in....Rube Nation Tries a Honeycrisp....

This one day, The Rube calls me. He is shocked at how much the Honeycrisps were on his grocery bill. At this point, still no word on whether he likes them or not. The offer still stands to buy them from you at 1/2 price.

Looks like there is hope to go to Saskatoon yet!

I was reading a story on Lorrie Morgan having just filed bankruptcy to "reorganize her company". Turns out she is broke. What part of "do not spend more than you have" don't you understand Lorrie? I guess when she sang "Something in Red", she was talking about her bottom line. She says she needs to reorganize her company after her recent divorce from Sammy Kershaw. Don't Go Near The IRS Man, Sammy....don't worry about the water! The best part is that this is ex-hubby #5 for Morgan. Al is only through 2. That means we can have a wedding for Al in Saskatoon, then #4 in Moose Jaw and #5 in Winnipeg just to be different and experience a different province. Of course, all divorce celebrations to be held in Vegas.

Prior to being sidetracked on Al's future weddings, I thought about this a little deeper. Lorrie's "company" needs to be reorganized. Company? Look, your music stopped selling. The reorganization needs to be an effort to find a new line of work! In the sprirt of this though, I had a band once with some friends. I'd like to reorganize and try again. To offset my wage loss while I work on this little project, I will just file bankruptcy to protect my assets. Great plan!

Pushing The Lines of Honesty?

Jess and I made a decision to be better shoppers for consumables and groceries. This means planning meals and shopping trips, etc. Through various coupon sites, the Sunday ads and the store specials, it has been amazing watching the savings multiply. Our last 4 grocery trips have yielded savings of $95.00, $48.79, $49.52 and one just over $50 (did not have this one written down).

Add in gas coupons (Cub gives coupons for Holiday gas that are based on your total pre-coupon sales amount so $210 in groceries would give you a 12 gallon coupon for 21 cents off per gallon). The last 4 gas coupons saved us a roughly $11.00 at the pump.

Lastly, the yucky part - mail in rebates (General Mills, etc) have yielded $12.50.

All summed up, it equates to over $266.00 in just about 2 months! That is amazing. It means stocking up on things that are good deals. Combining a store "loss leader" with coupons, etc. For example, we rarely eat Hamburger Helper but bought 6 boxes tonight since combining the $1 per box store loss leader with the coupons brought them to .63 per box**. When we need a quick dinner - now we have it on hand rather than just going out somewhere.

OK, good for us right? The title has to do with honesty. What's that all about?

Well, I have to admit - I squeeze in extra coupons. Not a ton but usually in situations where I am buying a higher quantity of something. See the ** by the Hamburger Helper line? Well, I had 3 coupons for that product. $1.10 off of 3 boxes x 2 and .75 off of 3 boxes. I used three coupons for $2.95 which would have required purchasing 9 boxes but I only bought 6. So - technically, my price per box was .51 at the checkout. I "screwed" them out of .75.

My justification goes like this:

• I will use extra coupons when I buy a ton of something like the HH example above.
• I will sometimes do it when it requires 3 but I only buy 2 or buy 1 instead of 2.
• I will not throw in coupons for things that I do not actually buy.
• If a coupon requires the "21 oz size" I might buy the 15 oz size and still use the coupon.
• If the store has a set of coupons that are activated by "one additional $25 purchase" and "limit one per household", we will get 2 carts and double up on them if those deals are plentiful and exceptional. For example, today- they had about 8 items that were $1 if you spent $25. They all were savings of 50-65% so we did those items 2x and checked out separately.
• Always seek out the youngest checker, preferably a guy. They'll never question you.

The way I see it, for every guy like me that cheats a little, 10 other customers don't use a single coupon. If you combine my order with the next guy, we comply with the coupon's requirement PLUS the store gets reimbursed for the coupons anyway. I guess that logic works for everything except the loss leaders.

Am I wrong? Is this just shades of gray? I don't think so but maybe someone else does.

I'm In A Funk!

Hey everyone,

I don't know what my problem is but I have been in a funk. That translates to not being a nice guy at home sometimes. Not wanting to blog. Not wanting to do much of anything. There must be a reason. It could be this never-ending jackass version of winter or spring. It might be that I am a little short on ca$hola. Let's look at them individually...

WEATHER: It needs to warm up. Plain and simple. I feel like a fat (OK, yes I know that I am) but I feel more lazy than ever. I cannot get motivated to do anything because of the weather. Jess hints that she worries about depression. If I am depressed (don't think I am), I think some weather above 35 and no more snow will help.

CASH FLOW: It's one of those things. Timing. Everything due at once. Taxes ($1800 owed to Federal) and the fact that I never sent my state taxes which have a $1300 refund to help offset the $1800. That is pissing me off big time and I am the only one to blame. Then, the housepayment is due. I guess that is automatic - but what if I could skip one? (more on that later). As you may know, I am headed to Vegas on the 21st. I am very happy about that and it could help my funk about the weather. BUT - Vegas needs cash. DAMN!

The stupid part is that in May, I have just the opposite situation. See this: In May, we have 3 paydays. In May, I will probably get the "Stimulus" check (is that like a "happy ending"?) and also in May, I have no house payment. WTF? Yep - you heard right. I called the mortgage company because I am getting concerned about my ARM coming due next January and my 5.5% interest rate going buh-bye. I said that I might have a hard time making a higher payment (which is not totally true). But with the mortgage crisis, they felt like helping and I received a letter saying that they are restructuring the note to lock in at the 5.5% for the duration of the loan. Say what? In that process, I have no May payment. 3 checks. No house payment. Gov't stimulus check. Holy....need to start planning a vacation or something.

So....May will bring the cash and weather I need in April. Figures.

Oh well, I think I have it figured out and I will still make my obligations and have some money to spend in Vegas. Maybe I can turn over a new leaf and do something besides sit on my ass on the couch too.

See now. Don't you feel better?